Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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