God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
