she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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