Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
