you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
