I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
