I accidentally had phone sex last night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
