i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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