It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
