I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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