I hate all girls vehemently.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
