wrigley field is MILF paradise
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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