She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
