FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
