Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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