It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
