you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
