8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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