well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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