I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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