On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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