You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
