I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
