i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
