yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
