first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
