Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
