Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize