Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize