This dress was meant to end up on your floor
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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