He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
