Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
