i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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