Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
