He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
