I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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