using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
