Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize