i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
