so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
