Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
