I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
