Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
