A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
