I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
