can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize