kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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