My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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