Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
