maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
