I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
