Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
