i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
