I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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