best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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