would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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