They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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