Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
