I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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