i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
