Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
