yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
