ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
