Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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