checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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