Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Randomize
