this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I wear drunk well.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
