Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
