She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
