Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
