she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
