Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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