New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
