brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
