Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize