summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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