That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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