I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
