The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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