Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
