sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
