Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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