dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it's like iHOP with fire
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
