Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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