day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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