i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
